we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
