Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
