You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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