Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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