It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
