We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
