If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
