Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I touched a dick in church today
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
