Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
