She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
