There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
