I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
