She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
