I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
