somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
