i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
