It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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