you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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