Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
