When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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