All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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