No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
