I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
