My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I believe in your delicious
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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