dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
