She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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