Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
