I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
