Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
