Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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