If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I need moral support for this bender
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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