Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I will be naked everywhere
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
