She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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