Three words: puerto rican gang bang
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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