Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
