I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
