So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
