Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
