Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
