Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
