Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
