I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
