nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
