I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The maid of honor just puked.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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