Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if only i could text you this smell
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
