so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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