Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
