just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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