so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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