there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
